I felt like utter garbage all week. From about Wednesday afternoon until Saturday morning I hit a wall.
I was tired.
I was cranky.
I was impatient.
I was tempted to be petty.
And I was experiencing some weird physical symptoms like soreness throughout my body, bloating, dizziness.
It was only today that I realized I probably had what’s often referred to as the “paleo flu”. It was awful.
But now I’m on the other side of it and I physically feel great. I woke up this morning and reached for my Republic of Tea Super Green Tea Brain Boost rather than my typical coffee. I cleaned. I managed my two-year-old with patience, even through a potty training accident. I gymmed. I cooked a delicious stir fry using this recipe that is now forever in my arsenal. My mood is better. Overall I feel great. However, lurking below the surface is a constant reminder that days are ticking down to needing to make some big decisions about life.
In an effort to feel better mentally I’m taking a few days in Richmond next week with one of my besties to get away from my normal routine, see the city and allow a different environment to help me gain clarity. I was hesitant to book this trip given I’m committed to my Whole 30 journey and eating out period, let a lone while choosing to travel, is very challenging on Whole 30. However, I realized that if I allowed one to stand in the way of the other I’d be choosing to miss out on an opportunity to see one of my favorite people and do something for myself while also putting my will power and self accountability to the test. Will it be hard? Yep. Impossible. Not at all. I just need to prepare and remember that the goal is greater than the moment.
The other day I was “at work”, re: logged in to work since I’m still remote, when something tugged at me and told me to spend a few minutes meditating, talking to God and to bring my journal with me. So I grabbed my bright yellow Smythson notebook (this thing has such an important meaning to me as it was given to me by a mentor as I was making a big career transition, so I only write in it when I feel compelled to and typically it’s a song, goals or growth oriented journaling).
I spoke, out loud, words of gratitude at first. I never really know how to pray, so I just start by saying thank you. Then I turned to my goals. And finally something told me to write and out came what I think is the ultimate goal, yet my biggest challenge right now.
I will not be led by an opportunity, instead I will be led by my passions and my purpose to the right opportunity.
I sat with that for a minute. I put it on paper so that I have to hold myself accountable to it. To be led by an opportunity is easy, especially when it feels as though another one will not come along. It’s instinctive to cling to what exists or jump to the first thing that is offered. But in this next chapter opportunities are not in the driver’s seat, my passion and my purpose are driving the boat (Ha, thanks Meg). The waters will not always be smooth, but they won’t always be rough either. I have to learn how to navigate with my gut, my intuition, with the thing that has always burned in my soul.
When I put my pen down I went back to work like nothing had happened, but inside I knew things had shifted. I’d been given the map to chart the way to my new vision for my life.
Oh, also, dyed my hair blonde on Saturday. One time for the New Year, New Me crowd, here’s my little contribution.
Blonde.